Where Have I Been?

 The journey of ascension is comprised of thousands of little metamorphoses, each one in its own time.  

4/12/2012

by Sharda Chaitanya 

The past week or so I have not been writing this blog.  I have missed it terribly, and I am glad to be back.  I did not have writers block or a cold nor did I leave town.  Instead I was into a bit of a meltdown, ascension-style.  If you haven't had ascension symptoms, then your lucky. If you have, congratulations!   I think it is safe to say that we are, most us of, experiencing stuff in our life that would come under the heading of ascension symptoms.  Much has been written about it and I think I have read nearly all of it.  So I know whereof I speak.

The feelings could be depression, or confusion about a life situation or just a general fogginess from which you can't quite emerge and has no definable cause.  However, these emotions seem just a tad different than in the past.  Or perhaps you are experiencing a change in a significant relationship or two; people who were once close and familiar are not so much anymore.  Sometimes it comes in the form of a surprising change in career, job or vocation.  Or maybe an unexpected move from your home.  While none of these examples are so far reaching or new -- in fact they are common-place and pretty much the norm at any given time in our life -- it's like a big memo from the cosmos:  it's time to clear our plate, make room for the new and let go. That's a lot!!  What distinguishes these events as being part of ascension is how they affect us at this time, right now, as we transition, as it were, through the changing atmosphere of the planet, the cosmos and ourselves.  It feels different from other times in our life -- stuff happening now is changing the playing field and it is resulting in a new outlook.  Once we find ourselves on the other side of the situation we might be amazed that not only did we make it, but we find ourselves feeling lighter and, well, more informed.  In all likelihood we might even feel relieved by not having to carrying so much around.

Ascension symptoms are requiring us to look much more closely at ourselves than we have, or even could have, done in the past.  Every uncomfortable fluctuation in our life, our mind or our heart is paving a path into what is NEW.  It's the best we can offer ourselves, to be open to the change while remaining faithful to our journey on terra firma.  It's exciting, although it most certainly doesn't feel like that when it is happening.  With the new energies that are coming in, which are actually bombarding the atmosphere, the opportunity to accelerate our growth is strongly assisted, and to clear out the debris of lifetimes of mucky-muck that has perhaps slowed us down.

It has always been the case that when we have a growth spurt, some of which are life-altering, it is a time of renewed inner understanding.  Or at least in the best case scenario.  But with ascension being what it is, a time of condensed energy moving forward, (to say the least) it is an ideal time for these new situations in our life to bestow in us even greater clarity of purpose.  Ask what it means, find out, inquire.  Look more deeply and you might be amazed at what you discover.  The richness and depth of our inner knowing is waiting to be accessed.

So... here I was this past week looking down the barrel of -- MORE SHIT?   Just when I thought I had...oh, that's the other thing.  What ascension is doing it seems is making us re-visit aspects of our life we were convinced we had dealt with and put on the shelf!   I spent the first day of this recent "occurrence" feeling jittery and very unfocused.  It happened just after I had embarked on a new course of study that I thought I would enjoy.  By the next night it got worse;  a mere three hours of sleep followed by some of the most intense pulsations of energy in my body ever!  It's not painful but very weird, like I had been plugged into the electric wall socket.  I knew what to do, having been there before.  Once the physical symptoms dissipated, I thought I was done.  Oh, no.  No, no, no.  There was more.

The week floated by.  I went in, out and around a variety of emotions -- a little depressed, lonely, forlorn, friendless and pointless and aimless, not doing any of the things I enjoy, barely mustering enough oomph to shower and definitely not enough interest to clean the apartment.  Nothing felt good.  Did I mention that it was cloudy all week?  Of course it was, and how fitting.  I did manage to do my meditation and other practices that always balance me.   Then one day, in the middle of my meditation, it dawned on me what had been at the crux of my disillusionment.   When I got the message, it was so clear in its simplicity.  So much so that I felt better immediately.  Not entirely; the inertia still needed to be flipped.  But I was on my way.  I don't know if getting over the darkness of the mind in 4 or 5 days is long or short.  Time is almost irrelevant when such matters are afoot because it is not a question of duration, it is a question of unfolding.  The journey of ascension is comprised of thousands of little metamorphoses, each one in its own time.

Not expecting what I would learn and what would change because of this process, either now or in the past, I became very engaged in the moment-to-moment rhythm of my world at that time. This enabled me to be in the now, to be present, front and center and finding the stillness of the deeper parts of my mind.  And when you do that enough it sticks.  The mind is very stubborn but also very malleable.  What such heightened moments of change mean is to be flexible and watch the mind, and listen to the heart.  It is important to be gentle with oneself while maintaining a balance of vigilance and vulnerability.  Be bold and don't give in to fear.

Our effort to find equilibrium is tantamount to holding the light, and when we do it for ourselves we do it for others.  Every effort to heal ourselves has positive results exceeding our immediate parameters.  Nothing is lost and everything is gained when in sincerity we open ourselves to ask for and receive grace.  There really is so much help available and makes the journey much easier when we surrender our burden.  Tap into the infinite energy of the our benevolent universe; that's what it's there for!