I just realized how happy I am! I just checked my bank balance and I have a total of $36.00. That's right - 3 tens, a five and one single. Thirty-six bucks. Whoo--hoo.
I went into my account just now to see if a few things I'd returned had been credited. That is when I saw this number. Normally, I would have gone into a mild state of fear and anxiety, followed by worry and confusion. I did, of course, check to see that everything was in order, and it was. Having paid all my bills in total at the same time just a few days ago (something that hasn't happened in a few years) it did make sense that my balance would be low.
But that isn't the point. The point is, I don't even care. It is not a big deal, or any kind of deal, AT ALL. The money, in or out, is not my concern. I get it now - it's true - money is an illusion. I am not bound, or rather, my happiness is not bound by my wealth, or in this case, lack thereof. This is nothing short of amazing. I. Don't. Care.
I feel at once liberated and peaceful. I know now that I can trust that I am truly taken care of and my maintenance is not my concern. I am God's problem now. Even with that, if I feel, "Oh, Divine Mother will look out for me", or "Lord Shiva is my Divine Father, he is taking care of me", it somehow doesn't seem real anymore. I only have those affirmations because they were required for my security. But with the whole sense of worry gone, I am unconditionally supported and I know it. I don't have to ask - it is understood. It is in me, around me, above and below me; I am a Child of the Universe and I was placed here for a specific mission. In light of that, what is there to worry for? As I have often told my Mother/Father God, "You put me here. Now take care of my earthly needs if you want me to do Your work." Done and done.
This is what Ascension is - what it feels like. My nervous system, my mental and emotional state have been, and still are being, revamped. This is not an idea - it is a knowing. The other day someone at work was in my face with some bullshit attitude that would have left me feeling sick to my stomach and a bit concerned about our relationship. As I looked at her while she was blabbering, I didn't flinch. For a micro minute I thought I should feel bad - but bad didn't happen. She walked away feeling better about herself and I went back to doing whatever it was she interrupted. As I turned around to face my computer, I did sort of wait for the yuckiness of that to come over me, and it never did. Again, more feelings of liberation and knowing what is important.
The overall sense in all of this is that I don't have to try anymore. Or I have to try less: less forcing, less pushing, less adjusting the mind to fit into a better version of things. I am certainly not completely where I want to be with this yet, but now I know what to look forward to. There are a few glitches to work out, a few lingering (not many I hope) potential distractions from the peace I have achieved. But the intense effort that was once a daily chore is no longer. The more I AM, the more I BE. Don't create an agenda that will then need attention. Even the word "don't" feels resistant. BE. That's it. Not engaging in anything that does not serve me. And that does not mean that I somehow extract myself from the world and place this body in solitude or seclusion. It means not to engage the mind, the emotions and the subtle energies anywhere they don't belong or are not honored.
As you can imagine, I wanted this to last forever. They were very much my extended family, and they very much came to join in my meditation class, conveying the message to me that they'd waited a long time for me to do this! So precious and attentive. It was then I knew that in part they rely on us for certain things. They love when we engage in meditation and prayer and loving feelings towards humanity and sentient beings. Our positive vibrations are like food for them. And as such, the energy is returned in kind, because they are us. The bond we have is more real than anything on this planet, and their love is for the asking. They are asking us to please consider them in our daily travails, because they want to be included and we want them to be with us. It is quite simple - they are as close to us as our own breath. So breathe deep, dear devotees, and feel the gentle breeze of angel wings fluttering nearby.