Spontaneity Versus Planning
by Charmaine Smith
Copied with permission
This old duality is evaporating, or perhaps the old tendency
to plan is being devoured by the spontaneity, subsumed into it so thoroughly
that they form one unbroken surface. "Plans" simply don't seem to
work the way they once did. I was quite the planner once upon a time, not to an
extreme but balanced with spontaneity, and this worked quite well. Over the
last several months, I have noticed that when I try to go into my old rational
mode and "plan" things, events and feelings noticeably suffer; when I
stop trying to plan and just trust the intuition and genuine impulses of the
moment--not superficial whims, but my authentic impulses that have enough
"oomph" to become action all by themselves, those arising from my
deepest nature, then events turn much more beneficial again; chance meetings
are more congenial.
There is a sense of being welcomed back to the massively
spacious Now. The magic returns. I still do things that may look from the
outside like planning; I may apply for a job that strikes my fancy, touch up my
resume, etc.; and yet I promise you that none of this is "planned" as
it used to be. There is the spontaneous impulse to do each of these things, and
a restful silence inwardly while they are being done, with just whatever
thoughts are necessary to guide the logistics. Once riding a wave, the
necessary logistics appear on my horizon and are naturally appealing and
drawing and I find myself naturally doing whatever it is that cooperates with
them. I am fascinated to watch how this evolves. Perhaps the next time I feel
like taking a major trip away, I may find myself spontaneously purchasing an
airline ticket for some point in "the future," then trusting that the
necessary impulses will spontaneously arise on the date in question to actually
go to the airport and board the plane; or if not, then there will be reasons
that will become clear for something different happening instead. This may take
some getting used to.
It's a bit like surfing blindfolded, except the blindfold
keeps slipping off, a little more, a little more, until more of the landscape
is glimpsed, grokked, all in one moment. Perhaps part of what makes it work is
that the core of inner silence, inner unveiling, helps hold the course, helps
the genuine stuff rise to the surface most easily. This doesn't happen at the
level of words; tides of probabilities and possibilities rise and fall, and I
find myself riding a new wave in the moment, cooperating with it, flowing with
it. There is a faint fragrance of conscious decisions being made, right on the
very top, but it feels almost painted on. Gilding the lily!
If you try to think
about this too much, it will make you crazy!! It's not about thinking, or using
the intellect, or making any kind of mental model of How It All Works. None of
that matters anymore. It IS about a deep trust in the moment, in the incredibly
massive spacious Now, a deep trust in Self without horizons, even in situations
that used to push my panic buttons. Those flurries of feeling come and go, and
do not alter the course of the waves, a course that seems to be charting itself
and doing necessary calculations far below, in the intimate depths. In the
midst of all this "doing not-doing," as the Taoists call it, Tibetan
chants hover, wrapped in spirals of deep quiet. Namaste
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