I think I might need to get a cat. Yeah, that's it. A cat.
They're good at figuring things out.
Several days ago I had decided I've had enough of this blogging and ascension thing. By the time I went to bed that evening, it felt like I had been separated from my lover of many years. It was weird and sad and disconcerting. So I put it back up - maybe I am not emotionally equipped to say goodbye just yet.
Once again, I have stopped trying to figure "it" out. Who am I fighting with? Do I take out my frustrations on my blog? What has it ever done to me?
I meant what I said at the time, and it is not all that off right now. (I re-posted my comments below.) I am working on a few important and very subtle aspects of my life, the kinds of things I don't think are addressed by the messages anyway. The messages can't figure my life out for me. They are sometimes no more than a band-aid, a temporary salve for something deeper which we must look at. Plus, I am annoyed right now about how things are not transpiring. Not just with the "event" and other goodies, but on the personal front as well. But that's not all. Maybe it's just that...well...maybe I don't need these messages anymore.
The messages have been influencing me to the point that I am not thinking for myself anymore. This is what is at the crux of my moving in a different direction. And I think this is a really good and healthy thing. In fact, it feels very liberating and gives me a sense of lightheartedness. I am becoming untethered from things that no longer serve me, including the continual stream of messages and related information that I read and listen to. I have lived with and served Teachers and Yoga Masters, and I always had to say goodbye to them. These were some of the most devastating times of my life. But I always knew it was for my own spiritual growth. Guru (directly or indirectly) kicks you out when s/he feels you have grown your own set of wings.
Not all of the aspects of our life that no longer serve us are necessarily negative, even though they are the most obvious ones, yes. But when something is in the way of growth, even if we have loved it, then it too must be set aside. As we move deeper into claiming our Selfhood, when the clarity of our Soul Connection begins to surface, it becomes a joy to drop those things that we have become dependent upon. They served their purpose and we supported that energy for that period of time in which it was mutually beneficial. There comes a time when what we must do becomes very apparent. These are the times in a spiritual aspirants life when we no longer want anything intercepting our direct communication with God. The training wheels come off, the scaffolding comes down, and what remains is ourselves exposed and vulnerable to all the Light the Universe has to offer. This is bravery, this is courage, this is surrender.
It's amazing to me how within only a few short days, I have already changed significantly from how I felt just several days ago about this. We are moving rapidly. How I perceive what I write today compared to a year or even several months ago, is fairly significant. I take this very very seriously because you are reading this, and I have only the deepest respect for you. The moments of understanding that I may have written about in the past didn't always last. But this feels so different. This feels more permanent because it is coming from somewhere so very far away, from a place and time that is ancient. It is awkward trying to describe, but it's as though an entirely new portion of my Self is surfacing and is going to become much more prominent in days to come. I am having this experience as I type. Writing is a form of channeling, every creative person knows what this is, even if they don't express it in that way. I know what that is, and I must confess that the sense of what I am perceiving at this moment is quite different. Something large and deeply significant is descending toward me and my heart center right now is having much pressure.
Well, be that as it may. I am glad to have this opportunity to be candid.
Much light to you on your path,
The following is what I originally wrote the other day:
To my readers who may be wondering what happened to my blog Nova Earth Serenity, thank you for your interest and for seeking my whereabouts. I have decided to dismantle the blog for various reasons.
I have been around, lived with and listened to a great many different kinds of religious and spiritual people from various disciplines. And by a wonderful grace that follows my life, I have been able to discern between those who are motivated by ego and driven to earn money by propagating 'spiritual teachings' from those who act in the highest good for humanity, who put God first and who possess a humility that is unmistakeable. It is this capability that has protected me and is guiding me back to my original path, before having become ensnared in the whirlwind of the new-age phenomenon.
The primary reason for my doing this is because it really hasn't served me. I am not any further along my path than I was when I started. It has not enhanced any part of my life that could not be addressed by my already well-secured connection to my own Hinduism. Not to mention all of these things that were supposed to happen which have not produced squat. Period. I was going to give up the blog on December 1, 2012, the one year anniversary of its inception. I figured a year was long enough to hang around to see proof of these various predictions. But I trudged along, feeling that the trajectory of the movement was changing, and I wanted to see how it would be shaped. Conclusion: more of the same.
I have been here before. Several times in the past I have decided I would let go of the hype of the myriad channeled messages and return to my own spiritual practices and studies. But something inside me switched these past few days, and it had nothing to do with my blog or messages or any 'lightwork' that I may have considered myself doing. No. Rather, something within me has re-claimed my sense of certainty about my connection to my Ishta Devata and Guru, and to the deep-seated feeling of commitment to my Sadhana and the path I've been walking for decades. Letting go of the blog was the logical result of my very personal epiphany.
Having said this, I can with certainty agree with a handful of messages that teach that all of this is an illusion, that God, the Source of All That Is, loves us unconditionally, and that it is up to us to be steadfast and diligent on the Path toward Truth. The ancient texts such as the Bhagavad Gita, The Upanishad, The Ramayana, The Bhagavatam, etc, all contain deep and profound teachings that far exceed the watered-down versions of what is being propagated as wisdom today. Read the original scriptures for the profound truths and guidance that we all seek and long for.
Doing the blog Nova Earth Serenity was fun and gave me a sense of being connected to a greater community. But above and beyond anything, the blog helped me find my voice. I was able to unabashedly say what I felt which in turn was an incredible healing experience. Words do that for me. I love words. I love languages, letters, sounds, inflections, accents, speech patterns - they provide me with an endless sense of fascination. Our capacity to communicated via written or verbal transmission is one of the greatest mysteries of being in human form. So the blog was my vehicle that allowed an opening up to something within me that previously lay dormant; it has been a priceless tool to which I will always be grateful.
As for this time in our history called 'ascension', I never really got that. Because we are always evolving, we are always headed toward the Light of God, we are never not on a path that will bring us to the ultimate Truth. So to highlight this particular point in time as 'ascension' actually makes me laugh, and that is because it is on-going. We are not suddenly going to ascend, and then somehow it's over! Oh goodness, no. I agree we are probably moving at an accelerated pace, but again, I cannot discern that completely because I have only this time-frame to refer to. So who is to say thing are moving more quickly now that they did at any other point on the evolutionary timeline?
May I add, however, that I don't disagree with much of what is going on now around the planet and within individuals. It is pretty incredible, but not all that strange. But I thing what I think I am protesting is the obsessive focus, the constant deconstructing of events, to the detriment of our internal attention. If we do real sadhana, then the phenomenal universe falls away, and we are left with our true nature. For a Yogi, the world is but a play, and Shiva-Shakti are the creator, producer and director of this grand universe. We needn't take anything on - we are best surrendering and letting God do the work. After all, it is Their world - we are just passing through.