On the Inside Looking Out

by Sharda Chaitanya

I did not know until this evening, as I read and ingest all the new messages from various sources, that a portal opening is upon us and is in large part made available due to the presence of Aion (described here). Apparently the energy of Aion, combined with ISON, is being most strongly felt between November 23-29th.  I can certainly attest to the truth of at least part of this - I have been having an incredible sense of "something" for three days now, particularly today.  Lots of body aches, and what seems like fatigue, but is actually a great releasing/relaxation of mind and senses.  The achiness means we are releasing old patterns that have lain dormant in the subconscious, which is held in the memory of the cells of our body.  This exhibits itself as muscular aches and joint stiffness.  I fell asleep yesterday afternoon, and upon awakening, all of my major muscle groups ached, like I had overdone it at the gym.  (I neither work out nor belong to a gym - I walk to the subway and back, that's about it.)  And today I feel asleep again during the day, after I had a full 9 hours of sound sleep during the night.  This time, though, I had a dream. 

I dreamt that I could not open my eyes, as much as I tried.  I could get them open a tiny bit, but the lids were so heavy that any effort was futile.  It was scary and I was resisting.  When I stopped resisting, and felt this was a peaceful way to be, I realized I was in Samadhi, and decided to simply be there.  However, first I had to go into the living room so as not to be rude to the others who had gathered there, but I couldn't possible socialize.  I called my brother to come into my room so I could tell him something.  I had to tell him that I was having this spiritual, deep meditation wherein I am not conscious of the world around me and that I would be staying 'there' as long as was necessary.  

It was so gratifying for me to be able to share this with my brother, who always thought me odd for my left-of-center lifestyle.  But in the dream he would listen to me and finally not judge me.  Not only that, he would actually come to understand what I had achieved by being in this state of pure awareness, and he would benefit from that.  When he sat down to listen to me, I could barely keep myself from going into an altered state.  But the greatest sense above any other in the dream was our mutual love for each other.  The heart to heart feeling of being in communion with a spiritual concept was highlighted by the fact that we were siblings, and that we had a history between us that was now taking on something so much greater and joyful.  My sharing this with him created a new facet in our journey as family because Spirit was bringing us together by the sharing of this auspicious state of heightened consciousness. 

After I woke up, I lay on my bed for at least 20 minutes, feeling a great deal of peace, which I do often have upon awakening.  But today I gained a greater sense of detachment - a real distance from the world and any petty issues I've been having the past few days. I cannot aptly describe the feeling of being at one with myself, untethered by any sense of desire, attachment or possessiveness.  I made a quick mental note of what had been bothering me recently, and none of them took hold of my mind or emotions - they were gone.  But I felt tired and it seemed almost a strain to get up.  The sun came bursting through the clouds as I gazed out the window feeling a little guilty that I should be lying there instead of taking advantage of the last tolerable cool days of the year.  

The equilibrium associated with deep altered states of consciousness becomes everything.  Once you have experienced that, anything else falls short by comparison.  I felt a bit sleepy, or rather deeply relaxed, for the rest of the day, but highly tuned in at the same time.  Some while back, I would guess 6 months ago or so, I decided that I would no longer look at these sojourns into other states of mind as the anomaly, as the thing that was temporary until I got back to my 'normal' way of being and feeling.  I decided that I would fully accept these so-called altered states of being as normal, as the right and correct way to live through my day, and that any other way of being, the programming that I'd grown used to, was the thing that was now to be considered incongruent with happiness.  I switched my definitions of what was acceptable to me by calling in anything within myself that reflected knowledge of what lay behind the veil.  What has been thought as truth has been a lie; and our true nature has been suppressed, but it is what is the path to our Highest Self.  -S.C.-