December 17, 2012
As I was getting ready to leave for a 3-day silent retreat on Friday, I put the radio on only to hear what was transpiring in Newtown, Connecticut. At that moment, around noon, there were no official reports and very little was known.
As a teenager, until the age of 20, I spent a lot of time in Newtown. For seven years I was a nanny and took care of four children of the same family. The Mom was a working Mom, a nursing professor at the University of Bridgeport. The Dad was an attorney who later became an appellate court judge for the State of Connecticut. I was very close to them; I began babysitting when the first child was six months old, and by the time I left the job, the youngest was one year old. I drove there from Bridgeport almost every weekend, more frequently in the Summer months, and took care of the children all day. My favorite part was driving them to the park and taking time to watch them play, looking so sweet and joyful. It was fun for me, too, because I got to drive us around in their family station wagon!
On Friday I was able to talk and text a few of my family members who live very near Newtown, before I was off to the Catskill Mountains where I would have no cell phone reception. I would be staying in an ashram, so no television either, at least not for the guests. All I could do on my way up there was hold back tears and send light to the babies that just left the planet. I kept on blanketing all of Connecticut with the pink light of love and forgiveness to try to sooth the shocked and horrified parents.
What kept going through my mind was remembering what the channels have been saying about not going into fear and not getting drawn into the drama that will be be unfolding. Truly, I didn't know what they meant - until know. While I wasn't about to deny my emotions, I felt I had to get perspective if I were to be of any benefit to the situation. This short trip was a much-needed break from the City for me - I really needed to be in the fresh mountain air and to still and quiet the mind. How was I going to integrate what just happened with what I was trying to accomplish?
That evening's usual guided meditation was dedicated to prayers and positive visualizations for the recently-departed souls. I was relieved by this and was able to feel more connected to what was taking place.
But when I went to bed I couldn't sleep. My mind was calm but my heart was breaking. "These are their soul contracts", I told myself. "They agreed to this before entering this incarnation; everything is in perfect and right order according to Divine Plan". And yet all I kept "seeing" was the world torn apart for all those moms and dads. I kept seeing their faces and feeling their emotions and hearing their thoughts. I deliberately put myself there so I could know what was going on. Next thing I know it's 3:30 in the morning and I have to be at meditation by 7:00. I think I may have dozed off for a few hours. If I did, it wasn't very good sleep.
Whatever reason I originally had for going to the ashram had changed. I allowed myself to feel whatever it was that was coming up, and I was able to process rather quickly. Doing so is easy in a sacred environment where the vibration is very high. What came to me was that I am supposed to anchor the Light. So I did what I knew to do. I understood that remaining emotionally stable and spiritually strong, but without minimizing or denying my own sadness, was possible.
I have been hearing from Metatron that we have to integrate. When something is troubling us, rather than "let it go", we need to find a way to move it through our being. That is how I understand it. The purpose of the next few days was about learning to be present for others in times such as this. I couldn't see it during Hurricane Sandy, I was too close - I was in the middle of it. But now, even while this situation is close to my heart, I am understanding in a more subtle way how to bring the Light through this vessel that I am.
I pray for those precious souls to get peace. But truth be told, I feel like they have work to do from the other side. They were here together, they left together and they may very well be together doing whatever it is that angels do. From their perspective, life goes on.
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